The Worst Sex I’ve Ever Had

And it was my father’s fault

Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Sex is like wine. I’d rather drink water than drink bad wine.

And I’d rather do without than have bad sex.

I had ten years of bad sex. It wasn’t all “wham bam thank you ma’am” but it was ordinary enough that I didn’t have my first orgasm till after my 30th birthday. It blew my mind.

I had discovered masturbation using water with either the shower or bath tap. I couldn’t get enough! Ironically, a few months after, I left my marriage.

But did I get good sex? Not really. I got a lot of sex with a lot of guys.

Remember my husband was my first real boyfriend so I went a little crazy. I somehow got the nickname, “Mooloolaba Motorbike” from the one guy with whom I never had sex. That was my wild year. Actually, it was only 6 months. My body couldn’t take it anymore.

I moved to Brisbane, got a job teaching full time and met my second husband soon after. He was the only one I had sex with for the next twenty years.

I’m off the track here. The very first guy I had sex with after splitting up with my husband was a guy I knew from Uni. We had mutual friends and the six of us had been playing cards and drinking. The two married couples went off to their bedrooms and Joe and I went to…