It’s April Fools’ Day!
Who’s the fool now?
It’s April Fools’ Day 2006 but I remember it like it was yesterday. I am never the one who plays an April Fools’ joke on anyone — ever — but I am often the victim of pranksters, aka husbands and boyfriends. You’d think I’d learn. I’m gullible. What can I say?
The day before.
On 31 March, 2006, there was a deadly brown snake on the path to my clothesline but it escaped before I could catch it. Read that as kill it, but for some unknown reason, it’s against the law to kill snakes — even poisonous, dangerous ones — yeah, I know, it’s crazy, but we have become all about ‘let’s protect our wildlife.’
Thanks, Steve Irwin!
April Fools’ Day
With the memory of that escaped snake fresh in my mind, I decided to play an April Fools’ prank on my 17-year-old daughter. I had never played April Fools’ on anyone before in my entire life! It was after 10am and she was still asleep, so to get her out of bed, I went into her bedroom and spoke softly and slowly.
“Keeley. Wake up. Just move slowly towards the bottom of your bed. There’s a snake wrapped around the bedhead. Don’t panic.”
Well, she moved so fast her feet didn’t touch the floor. She literally flew through her bedroom door and hit the door jamb on the other side of the hallway. With her head. Even the hardest head couldn’t withstand that force so it split right open.
What have I done?
Grabbing towels to stem the blood flow, I tried to reassure her. I knew her head would need stitches. Once she was calm, well calmer, we drove to the hospital to have her head stitched. Of course, I had to continue the lie to the doctor that there was a snake in her bed — by this stage it was a barefaced lie, April Fools’ or not — and I couldn’t tell anyone it was just a joke.
Home again.
Her head must have been throbbing, but she didn’t think to ask me what happened to the snake, so I didn’t mention it. I just gave her painkillers, and cuddled her. I felt so bad.
The worst was yet to come.
Her head was a bloody mess and her hair was tangled and knotted with blood, and couldn’t be washed. She agreed to go to school if she could wear a bandana. So I wrote a note explaining the circumstances of the bandana- wearing, not the part about the snake, just the split head and stitches part, so thought everything would be hunky-dory.
But no! The Dean decided to pull her out of class and make an example of her not wearing full uniform. She came home early saying, “I’m never going back to that (insert expletive here) school!” and she didn’t.
The first April Fools’ joke I’d ever played on anyone and it backfired on me. She dropped out of school, and didn’t go back.
Fast forward 10 years
So I don’t leave you in tears, I thought I’d better tell you she’s ok now. After an endless list of unsatisfying jobs, she decided she wanted to go to University. She was a mature age student now, so just had to do 6 months tertiary preparation first because she hadn’t finished high school. She now has her degree in Creative Writing and has almost finished Honours — a family memoir, no less.
PS I’ve never played an April Fools’ joke on anyone since that fateful day 15 years ago. I’ve learned my lesson, but I’ll be prepared for at least one to be played on me this year.
Written by ADRIENNE BEAUMONT
